Warning ... this is not upbeat ... so if you are not in too great of a mood, then you may want to save this for another day.
My family ... looks great from the surface ... but if you look deeper, we are just like every other family who has problems. I have known this for a very long time ... since I’m part the family ... and maybe part of the problem? During every vacation/holiday when my family get stuck together under one roof top or in one car ... the unresolved problems naturally pop out.
We are people pleaser ... and very indecisive ... a very dangerous combo ... to the point that drives each other nuts. Everyone has their own agenda, but we bent over backward to do what other people wants. But what if everyone wants something different ... now that is a real conflict of interests. And since everyone is “so” indecisive, nothing gets done ... and we are back to square one ... frustration is what I call it.
Sometimes ... especially during vacations/holidays ... I just want to take a break ... from everything and be happy ... keep it simple ... no major decisions ... and just relax. Honestly, it scares me to take point ... to lead as the head of my family ... but it seem that is what I need to do. I did not do it this year ... but I feel the urge to ... the need to lead. Maybe it is time for me grow up ...
And moreover ... in the distant future ... when I have my own family ... I will have to take the lead ... and I’m afraid ... afraid that I may fail because I’m not strong enough. I normally don’t tell anyone this ... but I draw a lot of strength from people who are close to me. I guess it is one of God's plans ... for us to have fellowship ... to live to together as one. So, I hope to find balance...
2 comments:
your description reminds me of something I learned in my organizational behavior class. It's called "Abilene Paradox".
Definition:
Four adults are sitting on a porch in 104-degree heat in the small town of Coleman, Texas, some 53 miles from Abilene. They are engaging in as little motion as possible, drinking lemonade, watching the fan spin lazily, and occasionally playing the odd game of dominoes. The characters are a married couple and the wife’s parents. At some point, the wife’s father suggests they drive to Abilene to eat at a cafeteria there. The son-in-law thinks this is a crazy idea but doesn’t see any need to upset the apple cart, so he goes along with it, as do the two women. They get in their unair-conditioned Buick and drive through a dust storm to Abilene. They eat a mediocre lunch at the cafeteria and return to Coleman exhausted, hot, and generally unhappy with the experience. It is not until they return home that it is revealed that none of them really wanted to go to Abilene–they were just going along because they thought the others were eager to go. Naturally, everyone sees this miss in communication as someone else’s problem!
Dr. Harvey used this wonderfully simple parable to illustrate what he believes is a major symptom of organizational dysfunction: the management of agreement–as opposed to the management of disagreement or conflict. This unique perspective has much to teach us about how we do or do not engage in deep inquiry and in self-disclosure when attempting to come to agreement with others.
For more: http://www.arl.org/diversity/leading/issue8/abilene.html
I see Abilene Paradox happen not just at work, but also between family and friends.
you're doing good so far, leader! =)
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