This milestone is more of a little note for me to look back upon ... my faith is growing stronger in God ... sure, I make a lot of mistakes on my way here ... and am sure that I will make more mistakes later ... but I feel comfortable in knowing that my mistakes will not stop Him from loving me. Even the relationship between me and my family are changing ... I believe it is getting better between me and my sister ... I’m not as sensitive as before and I’m willing to listen ... and moreover, I not feel the urge to need rescue her from her difficulties ... especially when I do not have an answer ... and therefore I’m not as frustrated as I was in the past. As for my Chica ... I believe we are growing closer ... she is starting read what I’m thinking ... sometime I believe she tries to anticipate my moves and mood ... and for the most part, she hits the bulls eye ... and other times, she misses ... hehe ... same for me ... I believe we are both still learning about each other ... on what we want, need, and how to compromise ... on how to create a God centered interdependent relationship with each other. Speaking about learning ... I realize early today that I will not ever stop learning ... God has so much to teach and every lesson lets us all grow.
It is funny that there is one lie that I have trouble letting go ... and the lie is that I can ... and need to be perfect in my action and emotion ... and for every mistake I make, I feel the need to punish myself ... or to feel guilty that I failed God ... my family ... and even my Chica. I even have guidelines from workbooks to follow ... and I feel bad for not meeting all the criteria in actions and emotions. Today at Sunday school, someone mentions that we tend to judge ourselves more harshly. Yep ... that is me ... and I followed that lie ... the need to be perfect ... but NO more ... the truth is that God loves me no matters what ... no one is perfect ... but I hope to grow ... I pray that we all grow with God.
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