Confuse

What are feelings for? To take over your logical mind for a spin? To drive you nuts? To make a fool of you when you need to focus? I’m so messed up.

Reciprocate

Very simple ... I will show you my world if you show me yours.

Too Much Fun?

I have been having so much fun this weekend ... I wish I can keep doing this every week, but I need to slow down and tend to my responsibly as a family member. Even my blogging had taken a lot of my time. So, don’t mind me if I step away for a little while ... but I will keep on living to the fullest.

Faces with Names

Finally, I got to know the Fellowship at Sunday’s BBQ. For weeks, I have been wondering what their names are ... but now, it is nice to see familiar faces and call them by their name.

Off Trail

Another beautiful day for hiking (Saturday - thank God for that) ... going off trail and getting lost ... which was exhilarating. You are probably saying that I nuts, but we must get lost in order to find ourselves ... to find what nature is all about. Plus, as a big bonus, I found a girl that as more stamina than anyone I know. Ah, I think I found my extreme hiking partner ... or better yet, my sparring sport partner ... I love a good challenge...

Tone Deaf

I hum, but never sing in public. I never, ever sing karaoke ... till now (Friday). My very first time and I need A LOT of practice. I’m surprise that I actually sung ... I do not think any outside my family have ever heard my sung ... especially with a microphone. I wonder if others consider my singing as a blessing or a curse :?

Hit the Bed

It’s worth it to use vacation days for sleep. I’m such a happy camper after a good night of sleep. If I’m happy, other will be happy too ... it’s contagious. =)

Shock Therapy

Just got back from defensive driving course ... and the instructor acted just like a drill sergeant in a boot camp – using shock therapy – trying to break you by using lots of sarcasms and in your face questions. He did bring up some good points...

Instructor asked:
What is the price of your passages (mommy, daddy, sister, brother, best friend, etc)?

Most people replied:
Priceless, irreplaceable, one of a kind, God’s creation...

Instructor asked:
Then what did you do to keep your Priceless cargo safe? Did you at least read the driver’s manual and memorize the procedures for all the emergency situations? During a crisis, you will need to react in a split second.

Most people replied:
No.

Instructor asked:
So ... what is your definition of Priceless?

Did you do everything in your power to keep your passengers safe? Their lives are in your hand.

You Are My All In All

This song by Dennis Jernigan has special meaning to me ... I don’t know why, but since the first time I heard it and even nowadays, I feel very emotional.

Here is a sample sung by my favor Christen group, Point of Grace.

[Window Media] [Real]

You Are My All In All
lyric
^
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I get dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
*-*-*

Change of Goal

My best bud has invited me to his Church in Brooklyn and they have accepted me with open arms. However, my dilemma has not been solved. Apparently, my focus still drifts ... it is not the location that I should be concerned about, it is my mind ... I pray that I get the discipline that I need. Only time will tell.

Keep Thou self Clean

Well, I wish my car can clean itself ... but since I’m the master of my car, I shall clean it. Surprisingly, I find washing my car to be quite peaceful ... I can think clearly and get a good workout. It is almost like meditation.

Got Shocks?

Mountain Biking ... on black diamond trails ... definitely not for the causal road rider. You would think that it would wise to clear any obstacle on the trail ... but no, they added some ... logs laying across the trail ... everyone must pop a wheelie and hurdle over them. The up hill climb is a challenge (and a workout), especially when you are riding on sand ... with your back wheel spinning with little or no traction. Moreover, there are tree roots everywhere ... you will bounce till your but is sore ... got shocks? So, who wants go back for more? Me.

Burned Out

So much to do in so little time. Will post later ... for now, need sleep.

Growing Younger

For this past two months, I have been growing younger ... is this possible? Staying up all nights, hanging out late, watching cartoons, having fun till I drop ... and I do not want this to end. I need warp speed, Scotty!

Eeny, Meeny, Miny Mo ...

Which Church should I go to? I just go word from my best bud (who’s always busy) that I can try out his sanctuary in Brooklyn. However ... I still want to go back to her Church. Should I start planting my roots here or there? The only answer that I got from friends and Fellowship members is “Only time will tell.” I’m brewing up a storm between my guts and my heart.

For now, I think my guts will win ... at least I can hang with my bud and try out his place. So, please be still my heart ... it is a marathon, not a sprint.

Some Assembly Required

I’ve recently finish reading Exodus from the Bible. Wow, the instructions for building the Tabernacle is so detailed (Exodus 25 to 31). As an engineer, I’m tempted to map out those instructions on paper. However, if I want to finish reading the whole Bible (and detailed footnotes) in less than a year, I will have to keep up with the pace. I may go back and revisit those chapters afterward. I’m only 7% into the book ... still a long way to go. Pray that His words will teach me patience and perseverance.

On a different note, my Church hunt has taken me in a full circle. I’m surprise to hear others who had supported me to look elsewhere are now telling me to go back to her Church! So far, her Church suits me the best ... but do I have the discipline to focus??? I believe I could, but I hope I'm not lying to myself. Anyhow, I will consult with the rest of my Fellowship tomorrow. Peace out.

Outside the Box

Ah, what a beautiful day ... I wish I’m out there instead of at work in a tin box. I’m so tire ... only had 4 hours of sleep ... and I’m surprise that I managed to wake up to do my super early morning jog ... and get to work on time. Nevertheless, today is a great day for outside activities ... I would like to take a nap under the shade of a tall tree. Maybe I should since I have over 5 weeks worth of vacation days (not counting sick/personal days). Then again, I think I would like to save those days for a Euro tour or somewhere exceptional ... and I just need to find someone crazy enough to join me.

Spares / & X Strikes

After one and a half years of hunting for a pair of elusive bowling shoe, I finally caved in and went to a Pro shop to pick a pair up. Ironically, the Pro shop has more choices and sizes at a cheaper price than sporting goods stores ... should have done it a long time ago. Tonight is the first of many (weekdays) $2 late-night bowling nights ... my buds are starting a trend/a new regular event ... And the competition is steaming up ... nooo, lost to a double strikes in the tenth frame ...

A Wish Granted

During Saturday’s Hong Kong Dragon Boat Festival in NY, I was wondering what it would be like to be in a race like that. Well, I got my wish. My friend (and coworker) generously invited all his colleagues out to his place to go canoeing and kayaking in the river/bay. Great experience ...

Now I want all my friends to try it out ... I think they will like it too. At least it will build great upper body strength ... but I think it is fun too ... especially in a group where we can race!

A Little Miracle

At the Fun Town Amusement Pier in Seaside Park, I witness a little miracle. I was at the one of those “prize grabbing” machines ... and I asked God for a sign ... a sign to show me that what I’m current doing is right ... to be more precise, on how I’m handling the situation with a girl that I’m trying to pursue. Well, I got my answer. Not one ... not two ... but three red crabs get picked up ... all at the same time on my very first try!!! To my disbelief ... my heart skipped a beat ... I would not have believed if I have not seen it with my own two eyes (and with glasses). What does this mean ... What is the chance in this happening to me? Well, I take it as an extraordinarily good sign ... and I pray that He will guide me.

Astounding Weekend

If you know me, then you know that I like to plan. But for these past few years, life has taught me that the best things in life are unexpected ... it is the little moments that count the most. So now I try to roll with the waves. This weekend is a classic example.

For the whole week, I have been asking people to come and see The Hong Kong Dragon Boat Festival in NY. All said no or canceled but one spontaneous friend who managed to squeeze me into her plans – which made me simile. I expected a hot day, but it was very hot and humid day ... and I’ve parked on the opposite side of the lake (oops!). We were drench in sweat just from walking to and from the race... but I had a good time. The dragon boat race looks cool, but I think it would be cooler if my company would sponsor us to participate in the race! Then we would have something real to cheer about.

Next, I hopped over to NJ for a spontaneous BBQ and Beach with old college friends. I would love to bring the girl who came with me to the race earlier that day ... I feel bad for dragging her out to the park on such a hot day ... I think I owe her some fun time – and my friends really knows how to be spontaneous and have fun ... but she had plans for the rest of the day ... next time then.

Anyway, the BBQ they host are the only one that includes yummy food, a basketball shootout, and a water fight (with a hose!). We act more like kids than young professional engineers (and most of them are married and with house of their own). That is why birthdays are just a number, not who we are. Sometimes I think we get goofier as we get older.

Afterward, we went to the Beach at Seaside Park. It was nice and cool since it was late afternoon when we got there – with the summer sun slowly setting. We went wave hopping and played “bury a friend in the sand” ... and it was my turn this time. We had so much fun and laughter ... which is great for the soul.

Finally we ended the day with food and games at the pier next to the beach. The food was boardwalk classic – clam and oyster bar, good old hot dogs, nuke hot wings, greasy cheese steaks, and fries still dripping with oil – a.k.a. good old American heart-attack food. Then, games, arcades, and stuff animals prizes. More to continue...

I’m Naked!

I was completely naked in front of strangers in a room filled with bookshelves. Across the room was a girl on a wooden bench staring at me. I not sure who was she, but she looked familiar ... In this awkward situation, I walked around the room with absolutely no fear ... This was my dream ... I think this blogger has open me up to a whole new level of confidence. What do you think? Are you going to go all Freudian on me?

Telling the Truth

Telling the truth is the easiest and hardest thing to do – a paradox. It is easy because it is the truth, but hard because it has consequences ... at least in human society. If this is utopia, then telling the truth would not be a problem ... because everything is perfect. This remind me of a song by Savage Garden:

The Animal Song
partial lyrics
^
...
Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie
Which one is more human
There's a thought, now you decide
...
^^^

So, as human being, we learn to lie and lie well. Some may even say we are born to lie.

That is why I adapted this policy a few years ago – “to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.” Yes, I know this statement comes from the witness stand, but it is plain, simple, and to the point. If everyone adopted this policy, then there may not be a need for court rooms. And no, I’m not perfect ... but I will never stop trying to strive to better oneself. Sometimes, I will even go so far as to being blunt ... which is very risky and the consequence can be daunting. I do it willingly not to be a maverick (I really hate the feeling of being an outcast) ... I do it because it sets me free and gives me peace.

May the truth set me free.

Sleep Depravation

How much sleep do you need? I need about 7 to 9 hours ... but this week, I had an average of 5 hours per day. Ironically, I feel better than usual ... more alive. I have been staying up late … writing bloggers and emails (some very long ones --- most likely boring the person to death). Moreover, my hunt for a new Church was unsuccessful ... but I still have some more options to go. I’ve talked with a lot of people and all of them are pointing to toward the city. Anyhow, my body is about to crash ... but my mind is still spinning faster than a hamster wheel (inside joke – hamster power). So ... have a good night everyone.

WooHoo! My First Comment!

Thank you, Apostle John. Your recent blog (A Christian Minister's Journal > Sex -- It's one of my favorite hobbies) brought me laughter ... and conveyed a great message. You really got a way with words.

Fortune Cookie

A little while ago, I got a fortune cookie with this message:

Two important decisions shall be made by you soon.

Well, I think it is time.

1. I shall read the Bible in whole in about a year (hopefully before my five years anniversary). During this time, I shall not ask to date This Chica (girl) again. Afterward, what ever happen shall happen.
2. I shall fine another Church to go to, one that does not pose a conflict of interest (one that This Chica does not attend). If not, I believe the Fellowships and friends shall be adequate for the duration of my study/journey. Afterward, anything is fair game.
   

Footnote:

I’m making a commitment in seeing this through without outside pressure. I need to seek God on my own terms.

What happen was that I was trying to pursue This Chica. Then I found out that she is a dedicated Christen. That posed a problem for me ... which ended up in us being “friends” (got rejected many times) --- which is fine with me since I still need to get to know her --- need time. However, she is a catalyst for me. For the past few years, I had been seeking answers to my life’s questions ... joined Fellowships and made many good Christen friends – one whom is my best friend (no secret lied between us). Recently, I got a Study Bible with her help ... pushing me forward. Of course, all my Christen friends are cheering for me, like I just won a million dollar lotto. =)

I’m also going to her Church, which is perfect for me since it is a Chinese-English Church on the island (closer than city Churches). The English session is gear to the youth – which makes the topics much more interesting for me. They are also willing to use technology to enhance their program ... making it easier for everyone (like me). Moreover, they have a great musical ensemble – playing music that can touch the soul. So why do I need to leave such a great place? Well, it just hit me just last Sunday and there was more to the reason why I left so abruptly that day (read previous blog) ... read on...

It was when a friend of This Chica showed up that day ... then it hits me. This person never leaves her side, stuck like a love sick puppy (my guess from observation), drove over long distance just to hear This Chica play in the Church’s ensemble. And ... then I realize I was partly there for the same reason as her other obsessed friend. And so, I don’t belong there, even if it is partly for the right reason, it is still wrong and without honor. This Chica is a (very) smart, athletic, attractive person --- which is a great distraction for me. I can not and I will not sink to the level of her other friend.

I need to seek God without an alternative motive. That day, I felt like I was going to burn in Hell if I stay ... after two head on collisions (one above and one below), I had to leave as fast as I can … and then to separate religion from my personal interest. I have consulted with friends and family, from old to young ... and they agreed. Sure, I will still hang with This Chica and get to know her, but not in Church - not in this early stage for me ... and I hope she opens up and accepts me for who I’m.

Acceptance

Do you ever feel like an outsider, surrounded by different groups? Well ... welcome to my life. I’m an American Born Chinese (ABC) --- a.k.a. Twinkies. I know both worlds well, but I’m never truly accepted by either one ... except by a few close friends. I’m what they called, a bamboo --- “two sides not open” --- in between notches. Moreover, there are conflicts from within me ... and I have been looking for a place, a principle, a religion, a group, a person ... that will bring me peace. Now, I’m hoping that the Bible can be my sanctuary. Got to have patience... That is why I’m a bit upset today ... read on...

Today, I felt great ... that is until I went to Church. I’m new to the ways of the Church and so I asked if they usually drink wine (grape juice) and break bread. My new Christen friend said “yes ... but you should just past the tray along since you are an unbeliever.” When she said that, it hits me hard and it hurts. I overreacted and left, but I can’t help feeling that she categorized me as an outsider --- brought back some very bad memories.

Will I be accepted for who I am? ... Will I find peace?

It is true that I do not know much and I do not claim to be a Christen, but I’m committed in reading the whole Bible and in trying to see the light ... and when the time comes, what ever happens shall happen. Anyway, in a little while, I will back to normal and this will be in the past. Afterward, I will like an ass for writing this and I pray to have better control over my emotions.

Solo Summer Hike @ Harriman State Park

It was such a nice day and I couldn’t let it go to waste ... since I’m solo, I changed the hike time from afternoon to early morning. I wanted to capture some photos of a sunrise (with red ambient clouds in deep blue sky) from one of the outer cliffs, but that means a 2 hours drive plus a 3 hours hike before dawn --- which I did not do.

Instead, I woke up at 5AM, got there by 8AM, and discovered some new challenging tails. Up and down over 4 peaks ... crawled on all fours just to keep from falling off the side of the mountain.

It’s good to be back in nature ... to see where heaven meets earth.

Happy Milestone

My CRV
hits 30k ...

Butai

Butai, a japanese restaurant near Union Square - Manhattan, NY – good food, small portions (unlike typical American restaurant), great for hanging out, New York City pricing.

After four hours of sleep last night, I’m going to keep this short. I’m glad that I have inspired my friend to start his blogger site on Xanga. Now I will have to update my friendster account.

Good nite :)

nuts! nuts! nuts! … what a bummer ... a detour.

I was praying for good weather for another grand summer hike this weekend ... and I got my answer >>> the cold front hits, breaking the heat wave >>> highs in the low/mid 80s >>> lots of sun and puffy clouds --- absolutely splendid weather. So, what is wrong with that?

Well ... everyone (including ones that said yes to the hike) – bailed!!! Yes, this shows that life is a funny thing.

Now I will have to decide if I’m going to [1] crash an “End of the Summer” lounge party in the New York City (the adventurous side of me), [2] stay home and read the Bible (the angel side of me), or [3] do something in between (BBQ, card games, etc. – the typical side of me).

Time to be spontaneous ... I got the feeling that this weekend will be more than I expected.

Life is a funny thing

Ideas, places, and things you would not think you would ever go for will suddenly become your primary objective. You may have some control over the situation (i.e. free will), but a lot of times the situation will dictate your life (i.e. fate). So, instead of controlling my life with an iron fist, I’m learning to adapt to my situation … and enjoy life (i.e. having faith in my fate).

If you told me a few years ago that I will be working in a tin box and going to Church, I would say you are out of your mind. But, as I mention, life is a funny thing.

Seasons Of Love

Seasons Of Love
Lyrics
^
Company :
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments So Dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do you Measure - Measure A Year ?
In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife
*
In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life
*
How About Love ?
How About Love ?
How About Love ?
Measure In Love
*
Seasons Of Love
Seasons Of Love
*
Soloist # 1 :
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Journeys To Plan
*
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure The Life
Of A Women Or A Man ?
*
Soloist # 2 :
In Truths That She Learned
Or In Times That He Cried
In Bridges He Burned
Or The Way That She Died
*
All :
It's Time Now - To Sing out
Tho` The Story Never Ends
Let's Celebrate
Remember A Year In The Life of Friends
*
Remember The Love
Remember The Love
Remember The Love
Measure
In Love
*
Soloist # 1 :
Measure Measure Your Life In Love
*
Seasons Of Love ...
Seasons Of Love
_*-*-*_


... I love this song ...

Ah ... my first post.

Welcome, please don't mind the mess ... I still trying to unpack as I move in.

I should have started a blog a long time ago. I have alot to say, but no one to listen.

Here is a recent photo from my hike @ Harriman State Park