Two important decisions shall be made by you soon.
Well, I think it is time.
I shall read the Bible in whole in about a year (hopefully before my five years anniversary). During this time, I shall not ask to date This Chica (girl) again. Afterward, what ever happen shall happen.- I shall fine another Church to go to, one that does not pose a conflict of interest (one that This Chica does not attend). If not, I believe the Fellowships and friends shall be adequate for the duration of my study/journey. Afterward, anything is fair game.
Footnote:
I’m making a commitment in seeing this through without outside pressure. I need to seek God on my own terms.What happen was that I was trying to pursue This Chica. Then I found out that she is a dedicated Christen. That posed a problem for me ... which ended up in us being “friends” (got rejected many times) --- which is fine with me since I still need to get to know her --- need time. However, she is a catalyst for me. For the past few years, I had been seeking answers to my life’s questions ... joined Fellowships and made many good Christen friends – one whom is my best friend (no secret lied between us). Recently, I got a Study Bible with her help ... pushing me forward. Of course, all my Christen friends are cheering for me, like I just won a million dollar lotto. =)
I’m also going to her Church, which is perfect for me since it is a Chinese-English Church on the island (closer than city Churches). The English session is gear to the youth – which makes the topics much more interesting for me. They are also willing to use technology to enhance their program ... making it easier for everyone (like me). Moreover, they have a great musical ensemble – playing music that can touch the soul. So why do I need to leave such a great place? Well, it just hit me just last Sunday and there was more to the reason why I left so abruptly that day (read previous blog) ... read on...It was when a friend of This Chica showed up that day ... then it hits me. This person never leaves her side, stuck like a love sick puppy (my guess from observation), drove over long distance just to hear This Chica play in the Church’s ensemble. And ... then I realize I was partly there for the same reason as her other obsessed friend. And so, I don’t belong there, even if it is partly for the right reason, it is still wrong and without honor. This Chica is a (very) smart, athletic, attractive person --- which is a great distraction for me. I can not and I will not sink to the level of her other friend.
I need to seek God without an alternative motive. That day, I felt like I was going to burn in Hell if I stay ... after two head on collisions (one above and one below), I had to leave as fast as I can … and then to separate religion from my personal interest. I have consulted with friends and family, from old to young ... and they agreed. Sure, I will still hang with This Chica and get to know her, but not in Church - not in this early stage for me ... and I hope she opens up and accepts me for who I’m.
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