Dallas

Chica adapted a new kid for me ... his name is Dallas ... and he is cute and kinda fuzzy with dark fur =). When he grows up and if he ask why I’m not as fuzzy as him, please just tell him that I like to shave a lot =PPPPP

And now, piggy will have someone to play with ... hehe ... =D

Dallas is hanging ... literally (^o^) ... with me today while Chica is doing her work ... it is going to be guys’ night out ... hehe.

edit: I wanted a guys night out ... hehe ... but my plans never seem to go the way I that wanted ... =P However, I did hang with Dallas to and back from the city. He is a good boy =)

One Goal

Last night, a great guest speaker (sorry, I don’t know his name) from Hong Kong came to the NY Chinese Alliance Church to tell his message ... and it is an excellent one. Although I don’t understand the harder vocabulary words (he spoke in Cantonese), I did get what he said. Here is what I heard...

We all have one goal ... to do what God want us to do. But how each one of us accomplishes that goal is different because God made us all unique.

We are all sinner ... and it is a constant struggle against sin for all of us ... even for the holiest person in the world. Some are much better at handling our weakness and other are not. Therefore, don’t make other feel guilty ... or even make ourselves feel guilty for our shortcomings ... at a steady pace, we should lean on God to work on overcoming our weakness. You never know if God will give us wings to fly (literally? ... hehe).

Everyone has different experience and we tend to learn and grow ... for better or worst ... and that is why we need to hear the truth and follow with our heart. Some habits we need to break and other we need to reinforce. God has shown us the way ... now it is up to us to take the path. Moreover, we should not judge others ... that is God’s job. Life and death is God ways ... so stop trying to control the big picture ... focus on now and do your best in following His will. And most times, a pray is the best thing we can do.

For me ... God will be my foundation ... as I continue on my quest of life ... He is the rock.

Good Proverb

Here is a good proverb to keep in mind (Apostle Paul said):

“... 34 You know that these hands of mine have worked to supply my own needs and even the needs of those who were with me. 35 And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus:
'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'”

Acts 20:34-35 NLT

Workplace Conflict Resolution

http://humanresources.about.com/od/ managementtips/a/conflict_solue.htm

This RSS/Atom-feed (the link above) popped up when I was gmail-ing ... hehe ... I sent it to my bosses ... hopeful, they find it handy.

Hug

Yesterday, I found myself unwilling to leave Chica side ... I just want to hug my piggy all day ... my pink piggy ... so peaceful have her arms around me. When I got home, I ate and then feel asleep till this morning ... I'm a pig too!!! (oo)

New View

This morning, my frameless glasses right temple broke ... it just "snap" when I tried to put on my glasses just after I woke up ... no biggy ... good thing that I have a backup. I wonder if it is still under warranty ... hehe

It is funny how I keep on changing glasses during life changing moments ... I lost my old glasses in the ocean when I first meet Chica – who lead me to God’s doorstep ... and now, after a bright moment of truth with Chica ... I’m waking through God’s doorstep and leaving all my baggage behind.

Don't worry, be happy =)

Airport - part duel

Today, Chica is going on her 3rd business trip ... this time to TX. I'm going to miss her once again ... I hope she enjoys her stay down in the “(not so) wild west” ... hehe =P.

Plus, I love getting phone calls from her ... she is such a wonderful sweetheart <3.

Milestone

YEA!!! (^o^) – phase 1 of my work project is DONE!!!

Time to relax =D

And in less than 2 months ... my 5 years work anniversary is up ... do u think my company will give me one of those anniversary pin??? ... hmm

Airport

Today, my Chica is going on her second business trip ... to CA ... and this time with male co-workers (last was with a female co-worker) ... and this morning, I found out that she is going with her cube neighbor too … a guy that is not much older than me.

I was jealous! ... I told Chica in the past that I will be jealous if he goes with her ... not because this guy have interest in her ... but because this proves that she can travel with anybody!!! ... except with me, the one who wanted to travel with her from the day that I meet her ... (and this restriction is because of the rules bestow upon us by her parents) ... oh boy!

... but guess what ... she is worth the wait.

Anyway, that jealousy lasted only for a moment ... a hug from Chica cleared all from my mind =) ... and I know that she is going for business purpose only ... but I do hope she also enjoy the trip too!!! ... to see the west coast sunset and grand mountains ... and to experience all the goodies that comes with in traveling ... and more importantly, to grant my angel freedom to spread her wings!!!

Moreover, I know God will look after both of us. This weekend, I pleaded with God for help ... to help me let go of my burdens and frustrations. I believe that I have much more faith in God than before ... and I hope it will grow stronger as I mature. Thank you God for everything.

Lack of Communication

Thank God that Chica picked up the phone
... and all is better now =)

This made me realize that all my other problems are insignificant ...

The thought of losing her is unbearable ... and I will fight for her ... and no matter what happens, I will always love her <3

Doghouse

I’m in the doghouse...

edit: After a long walk with the Lord ... I realize that I don’t know how to ask for help ... instead I make things worst by complaining (or even picking a fight) ... and no one will know when/how to help.

Right now, I’m begging for help ... I’m broken ... please help me!!!

edit: just got Chica’s reply ... that hurts a lot ... =,(

Regret

It is sometime after midnight and all I feel is regret ... regret for what I said to Chica on Thursday ... I was trying to vent and I took out my frustration on her...

Here is a funny thing ... took Chica advice about putting more faith in God ... and on that Thursday, I knew my anger is slowing surfacing ... and all I can mumble over and over is “God, please help me” ... I think some people thinks that I’m talking to the computer again ... of course, I blew up on the phone and Chica was the casualty ... that was not so funny...

I’m feeling better as of right now ... more level headed ... I just wish that I did not have my dark side ... I hate when I hurt someone that I love ... and Chica was so happy that day ... she had high hope for the weekend ... and all in the swift swoop, I ruined it. =(

There is still a dilemma and I need to sit down and talk it over with Chica ... and the problem is on my end and I’m trapped ... so oh mighty God, please help me ... I’m weak and I don’t know what to do.

Please forgive me, Chica. m(_)m

Rest in Peace

I hate myself ... why do I have to open my mouth???

My mom says that I’m like my father ... a very soft/gentle person ... that is until something is bothering us ... and then we are pressure cookers ... and the issue is the fire ... and we are ticking time bomb.

I’m tire ... very tire ... still very burnt out ... and no where to relieve the pressure ... no more ... please no more fire ... I cannot take it anymore!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The more I talk ... the deeper the hole I dig ... please tell me when I hit 6 feet.

Maybe I can finally rest when I can lie down in my own hole.

This is sad day for my fellowship ... may YPF rest in peace ...

To Be Free

(version 1.3 with personal & Chica's comments)

Rev. Maak Hei Chun is one excellent evangelical speaker and teacher ... his message touches many people ... including me (and Chica too).

Today in an evangelical meeting with the college and youth group, he talked about his missions with other Christian speakers throughout the world ... spreading the gospel to all nations in all languages.

He said that Jesus wants us to follow His way ... to do what He did ... to do even greater things in His name. All of us are capable of doing great things when we have Jesus in our heart ... to have faith ... and we can be free from our sins, from ourselves, from our world, and even from our death.

To be free from our sins...

Even as a Christian, Rev. Maak claimed that he is capable of sinning ... actually, he claimed that all Christians will sin because all Christians are human ... and it is in our nature to sin. However, with Jesus’ love and sacrifice on the cross, we all can be forgiven for our sin ... Jesus will always forgives us when we come to Him and repent. Then what set Christians apart from non-believers? ... Well, a Christian will always keep striving not to sin ... and one day, when we truly have Him in our heart, we will not feel the need to sin. He also reminded us that as we ask for forgiveness, do not forget to forgive ourselves.

To be free from ourselves...

Rev. Maak told a true story about an honest, rich, business man he knew back in China ... who had everything that he wanted. However, this business man had a busy mind and it did not allow him to sleep. He tried sleeping aid, but it did not help. Western and Eastern medicine cannot solve his problem ... and so he tried ti-che ... yoga ... and other method of meditation ... but all without success. Then one day, someone suggested to him that he should turn to Jesus for help. So, with all alternatives exhausted, he gave it a tried on a sleepless Sunday morning ... and as the pastor spoke, he had his very first good sleep in ages. From then on as his went back (for sleep) ... he thanked God for freeing him from his dilemma with himself.

Moreover, Rev. Maak told us that we needed to allow God to free us from our weaknesses and from our strengths ... yes, from both end to balance us. We all would love to get rid of our weaknesses ... (I for one would love to do that) ... and to do that, we need to let God into our heart ... to let go of control ... to have faith. But why do we need to free ourselves from our strengths, too? Well, we can let our pride get in the way ... our accomplishment makes us boastful, and we can get a “big ego” ... and therefore, we must remain humble ... and balance.

To be free from our world...

In another story, Rev. Maak told us how the world can draw us into conforming with everyone else. It is a story about a baby eagle, taken from his nest by a farmer traveling on the mountain side. The farmer brought him back to his farm and raised the young eagle as one of his chickens. The eagle ate and did whatever the chickens did. Years later, a friend of the farmer came by ... and at first, this friend thought the eagle is was an odd looking chicken from a distant land. But after a closer look, this friend notices that it is a magnificent eagle and wanted to see him fly. However, the farmer believes that eagle will never fly ... since he raised this bird as one of his chickens ... but he allowed his friend to try. This friend of his tried to hold the eagle up high and let it fly ... the eagle started to flap by spreading his majestic wing out ... but when the eagle saw that chicken feed on the ground, he glided down to it and ate. The friend however did give up and tried again from the top of the roof ... and the same thing happens when the eagle saw the chicken feed down below. With one more attempt by the friend ... they went back to the mountain side on that clear sunny day ... and this time when the eagle spread his wing, he saw something new ... and he flew into the open sky. Yes, everyone is capable in spreading their wings and fly into the open sky ... (this is what I’m praying for Chica ... to fly free)

To be free from our death

Rev. Maak then told us that death is part of life ... and we are young (compare to him) and don’t think of it, but it will come sooner or later. Can we truly say that we don’t fear death? ... to be thankful till our last breath? Well, we can if we believe and follow Jesus.

We all can choose to follow Jesus' way and do great thing in His name ... to be free to fly into the open sky. Rev. Maak also mentioned that it is good to be balance ... to not take anything in extremes ... and to this conclusion, I look forward in following his advices and ask Jesus for guidance ... to let go of control ... to have faith ... (and that is something that Chica tried showed me during the night before ... she knew the answer to my dilemma ... she is truly my angel).


edit: from Chica
reference scripture:

John 14:11-12

11 "Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on that evidence of the miracle themselves."

12 "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."

Jesus did not seem to accomplish a lot in his life time. His lifestyle was very simple; He did not have the technology that we have; He did not even ride a horse, only a donkey; He died at age 33, We can do greater things that He does, we can spread the gospel wordlly, even though so far away, with different languages.

But how can we do greater things than Jesus?

1. By praying

2. If you love Him, you would follow/obey His command. (John 14:25 "If you love me, you will obey what I command."

*Our spirits are greater than evil spirits

*But do not ask evil spirits to come into you. If you ask, it can overtake you. So don't join blackmagic games/shows, etc.

*Take some theological courses through seminary.

What's Left Of Me

This is how I feel ...
Will you take what's left ...
Take what's left of me?

What's Left Of Me
N. Lachey/J. Cates/E. Kiriakou/ L. Robbins
[listen]

Watched my life pass me by
in the rearview mirror
Pictures frozen in time
are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
yeah

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless circles
runnin' from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still

And I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me somethin' to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head

Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
All that's left
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going outta of my mind
Outta of my mind
I'm just runnin' in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Of me
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Take what's left of me

-*-*-*-

“I see,” the blind man said

Today is a very interesting day ... I feel like a blindfold has been lifted off of me. Let me start by telling you what had happen...

(Similar theme to previous post “Reciprocate” - Monday, August 29, 2005)

Last night was a long night for me ... I cannot go to sleep ... I did not want to let go but I finally gave it up ... I finally accepted the fact that I will have to find some other ways of relaxing (no trips for me). This morning, after reading Chica’s posting, I know that she had a rough night too ... and so I wanted to go cheer her up ... to make her happy.

But then something stopped me ... the question of “am I doing the right thing?” came into my mind. And I said “yes I am doing the right thing” – I’m cheering up someone that I love ... there is nothing wrong with that ... but I still have this bad feeling. And then I remember the conversation that I had with Chica a while back ... I said that I wanted to give unconditionally and then she said that it is unfair. Till then, I have been turning deaf ear to what everyone had said ... but after she said it, I have to accept the fact. I start to question if this is “unfair” ... and my conclusion is ... yes, it is unfair.

I’m willing to take time and effort to cheer her up ... but will she do same for me? I’m willing to do a lot for this girl that I love ... drive her and her family anywhere ... when she say no, I listen ... work my schedule around her and her family ... when she is not happy, I try to cheer up ... even when I’m sick or tire, I let nothing stand in her way ... I go on standby all the time ... sometimes, I feel like a dog. So the biggest question I have for myself is – will she do the same for me???

I don’t need her to do exactly what I did ... but I would like to have the comfort in knowing that she will reciprocate ... that she will be there when I need her. And as of right now ... I’m sorry to say ... I don’t feel that comfort. I’m quite saddened by this eye opening day ... and I think I know what I need to do.

In every relationship, there is a balance ... and I have upset this delicate balance by being all giving. It is not right to expect her to be at my level ... and she will never want to leave this comfort zone that I had created if I continue with what I’m doing. So, I’m going to have to try to back off and hopefully she loves me as much as I love her.

I have been praying this prayer since the day that I first asked Chica to go out on a date ... Dear God, I do not know what is your master plan for us ... but if Chica and I are meant for each other ... I pray that you will being us closer and guide us to where ever you need us to be ... In your name I pray ... amen