Heartache

Originally, I was not going to post much ... I don’t like to talk about death ... I want to see the lighter side of things, but God has a way in showing me how life is short and that everyday is precious. The phrase here today, gone tomorrow seems fitting for this blog. So, here is everything ... in sad details.

Two funerals in less than a week apart are a bit much to take that all in. I probably will cry once it hits me ... a.k.a. the bubble burst.

One was my cousin’s daughter ... 3 years younger than me ... died all of a sudden. Family members told me what the cause of death was ... but I don’t remember the technical term ... the bottom line is that her heart stopped. As a side note, she recently got baptized. Her death was very sudden ... many relatives saw her the week before and she was her normal self. It was like getting hit by a bus (if you can image). What was even sadder is that her mother (my cousin) died almost 20 years ago ... and now – mother and daughter – are buried in the same plot (yes, each plot can fit 2).

The other one was the mother of my old high school friend. I have been friends with this buddy for almost 15 years ... and counting. Cancer is the primary cause ... his mother died in her sleep at the hospital with her daughter by her side. I have never seen my friend cry ... not like this. The lost of a mother ... a love one ... it is heartbreaking.

I tried to put myself in their shoes ... my relatives ... my old buddy ... and that feeling scares me. I don’t want to go to that dark place – it hurts too much. At both funerals, I kept on thinking about the past ... the good old times ... when I was flying paper airplanes with my cousin and her daughter on a warm summer afternoon in their backyard... or when my friend’s mom telling us that we can hang out – to do what kids do.

And finally this afternoon, all I wanted is to see Chica ... she makes me happy. But instead, I decided to stick with my friend after the funeral for lunch ... thinking that I can somehow comfort him ... and then meet up with Chica later. Knowing that my bud is in good hands, I went back to work for the remainder of the day.

Afterward, I found out that Chica almost fainted during lunch ... and it was chaotic for her ... and her boss drove her home. In a way, I wish I skipped the lunch and kept with my original plan to see her ... maybe then I could be there for her. I know, I know ... it is not a big-big deal ... but, after all these unfortunate events, everything else feels so surreal ... and with me not being there for her ... my heart aches even more. I love her!!!

This past few days has made me think a lot about life and death ... and my conclusion is that God has His ways ... and I trust Him ... and I pray that He will ease the suffering of those who lost love ones.