Wednesday, June 28
Good Nite
I did not get much sleep these past few days ... so I’m going to go to sleep early today (~_~)zzz ... but not before I take a quick peek into God’s Words ... wanna commit 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to memory ... A Walk to Remember...
Sunday, June 25
Depression
Yes, I admit that I do suffer from depression ... I’m better nowadays, but I still feel it every so often. The feeling is loneliness ... like there is disconnect between me and the world ... and especially me and love ones. And when I am in that withdrawal phase of mine ... ironically ... all I want is for someone to hold my hand.
Wednesday, June 21
Momentum
Wow ... so much had happen and there is more to come. U wanna know what happen ... yea, I know u wanna ... here are the juicy highlights --- for 2 and a half days, Chica and I took a fast pace; challenging; strenuous motorcycle course and we both pass ... yep, we are going to get our class M license ... and completing the 1st step in bring Chica’s passionate dream to life =).
As for me, I made breakthroughs in getting to know God ... and that allows me to start building a strong foundation on solid ground (or for you who like biblical reference, I’m building on top of a Rock). Speaking of foundation, I started to learn about real estates ... yea ... you got it ... I’m learning on how to buy a house! Expensive you may ask ... HAHA ... that is an affirmative ... let’s just say a ½ of a million house is average!!! (no, I’m NOT kidding). I’m still wondering if I should sell my kidney to pay for my mortgage (j/k) =P.
Finally, our one year anniversary (of our first meeting) is coming up ... this Friday ... and I still remember the first words I spoke to her ... “So, I finally get to meet you face to face ... Hi, I’m ...” ... and from that moment, my life changed. Yea, yea ... I know, some of you may ask ... “why are you celebrating the first meeting? ... should it be the first date (as bf/gf)?” ... and my reply is ... “why not do both?” This is important to me ... yep ... I even tried plan for a big night out a few months ago. This is what I dreamed up ... (because it is not going to happen ... but I would be so --- so! happy if something comes close to this) ... an ideal date =) I could imagine both of us getting a good night rest ... relax, refresh, in good mood ... no work/school work/home work on our mind because everything is done ... free from group activates and outside distraction ... liberated to be spontaneous with various entertainment available to us (including a romantic dinner).
LOL ... I know Chica is going to tell me to keep on dreaming ... hehe ... because it is almost like a (one day) vacation. I still want to take her to see/hear/feel the waterfall (^o^) ... hopefully in the near, spontaneous future ...
As for me, I made breakthroughs in getting to know God ... and that allows me to start building a strong foundation on solid ground (or for you who like biblical reference, I’m building on top of a Rock). Speaking of foundation, I started to learn about real estates ... yea ... you got it ... I’m learning on how to buy a house! Expensive you may ask ... HAHA ... that is an affirmative ... let’s just say a ½ of a million house is average!!! (no, I’m NOT kidding). I’m still wondering if I should sell my kidney to pay for my mortgage (j/k) =P.
Finally, our one year anniversary (of our first meeting) is coming up ... this Friday ... and I still remember the first words I spoke to her ... “So, I finally get to meet you face to face ... Hi, I’m ...” ... and from that moment, my life changed. Yea, yea ... I know, some of you may ask ... “why are you celebrating the first meeting? ... should it be the first date (as bf/gf)?” ... and my reply is ... “why not do both?” This is important to me ... yep ... I even tried plan for a big night out a few months ago. This is what I dreamed up ... (because it is not going to happen ... but I would be so --- so! happy if something comes close to this) ... an ideal date =) I could imagine both of us getting a good night rest ... relax, refresh, in good mood ... no work/school work/home work on our mind because everything is done ... free from group activates and outside distraction ... liberated to be spontaneous with various entertainment available to us (including a romantic dinner).
LOL ... I know Chica is going to tell me to keep on dreaming ... hehe ... because it is almost like a (one day) vacation. I still want to take her to see/hear/feel the waterfall (^o^) ... hopefully in the near, spontaneous future ...
Monday, June 5
God Answered
Eureka!!! God did answer my question! ... and it was in front of my face the whole time. How could I miss it ... Chica told so me many times and yet it did not click till now ... God does work through people ... and she is definitely one of God’s angel. She told me that it is not in God’s will to make someone do something that he/she is not ready for. Today, this hits me hard (like tuning on a light bulb) while I took rest after reading the His words.
With the disciple workbook and the all the Bible reading I did over my break ... my head was winded up tight ... so tight that I felt that I am unqualified, so ill-equipped and unworthy to be His disciple. Well of course I’m not ready at this moment ... and further more, I do not know why I felt the need to forsake everyone I ever loved in order to follow Him. Yes, His original disciples did leave their livelihood in order join His quest ... but they did it with love!!! ... not for duty and certainly not for guilt. Moreover, He does not tell us to love Him only ... instead, He commands us to love each other too. Jesus is all about love ... and I know He will never want His followers to forsake love because He is the ultimate example of love for loving us.
Looking back, it is silly for me to be so hard on myself ... it is a blessing to love my family and friends ... and it is especially special to have Chica love me as much as I do for her. I see the big picture!!! I’m not blind anymore ... we all need to love Him first so we can have a solid foundation (the Rock) and to learn from Him ... so we can show our love for each other ... just like how He love us. If we can learn to love like Him ... even a fraction of His enormous love ... I believe the world will be a better place. And when I’m ready to take on His “big” mission ... I’m positive that He will arm me with the wisdom, courage and, most importantly, the love that I need.
God loves me and all of us ... and I praise Him for His unconditional love ... a source of great joy and blessing for many of us. Thank You Jesus =)
With the disciple workbook and the all the Bible reading I did over my break ... my head was winded up tight ... so tight that I felt that I am unqualified, so ill-equipped and unworthy to be His disciple. Well of course I’m not ready at this moment ... and further more, I do not know why I felt the need to forsake everyone I ever loved in order to follow Him. Yes, His original disciples did leave their livelihood in order join His quest ... but they did it with love!!! ... not for duty and certainly not for guilt. Moreover, He does not tell us to love Him only ... instead, He commands us to love each other too. Jesus is all about love ... and I know He will never want His followers to forsake love because He is the ultimate example of love for loving us.
Looking back, it is silly for me to be so hard on myself ... it is a blessing to love my family and friends ... and it is especially special to have Chica love me as much as I do for her. I see the big picture!!! I’m not blind anymore ... we all need to love Him first so we can have a solid foundation (the Rock) and to learn from Him ... so we can show our love for each other ... just like how He love us. If we can learn to love like Him ... even a fraction of His enormous love ... I believe the world will be a better place. And when I’m ready to take on His “big” mission ... I’m positive that He will arm me with the wisdom, courage and, most importantly, the love that I need.
God loves me and all of us ... and I praise Him for His unconditional love ... a source of great joy and blessing for many of us. Thank You Jesus =)
Sunday, June 4
Redeemer
In the past, I had dreams in finding a person that will save me from all my problems ... to support me in times of need ... someone that I can depend on. Now, I morn the death of my old self and my deeply rooted dreams.
The only one that I can absolutely depend on is Jesus Christ ... He is the rock and on that rock, I hope that Jesus will create new me.
I have a confession to make ... I’m in love with the little girl in the story. She makes me smile, laugh, cry and much more – and I had placed her on the top of my priorities. But as I build an intimate relation with Jesus Christ, He teaches me that He needs to be on top in order for me to grow. He shows me how my human weakness causes me to stumble over and over again. For a long time in my stubborn ways, I did try to defeat my flaws on my own ... and I was not successful. But with His strength and teaching, I hope overcome everything ... but first, I need to place Him on the top of my priorities ... and that I know to be true.
However as I study to be His follower ...to be His disciple ... to take up my cross ... I pray that it is in His will that I may continue to love and care for the little girl who shown me the way to my Redeemer.
The only one that I can absolutely depend on is Jesus Christ ... He is the rock and on that rock, I hope that Jesus will create new me.
I have a confession to make ... I’m in love with the little girl in the story. She makes me smile, laugh, cry and much more – and I had placed her on the top of my priorities. But as I build an intimate relation with Jesus Christ, He teaches me that He needs to be on top in order for me to grow. He shows me how my human weakness causes me to stumble over and over again. For a long time in my stubborn ways, I did try to defeat my flaws on my own ... and I was not successful. But with His strength and teaching, I hope overcome everything ... but first, I need to place Him on the top of my priorities ... and that I know to be true.
However as I study to be His follower ...to be His disciple ... to take up my cross ... I pray that it is in His will that I may continue to love and care for the little girl who shown me the way to my Redeemer.
Saturday, June 3
Moral of the story
Trust Jesus in His daily guidance, lean on Jesus for the strength to sail thought the storm, and obey Jesus’ commands (and one of His friendly commands is...)
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.”
John 15:16-17 (NLT)
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